Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
