A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
