dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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