I think im going to throw up on grandma
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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