Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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