Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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