so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
