Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
