I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
