I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
