Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
