well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
