Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Randomize
