i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Randomize
