I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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