Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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