True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
