Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
