Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
