Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
