does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
