I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
