will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
i out mim tonsoeep
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
