Cold hands, warm shart.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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