Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
