Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
