fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
