Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
