how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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