Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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