I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
