so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
