eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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