remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
My liver just had a heart attack.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
