smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
