who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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