I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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