dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
