I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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