I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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