Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
