I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
