did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
