addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
