I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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