What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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