so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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