you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
