i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
