I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
