And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
