it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
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