It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
