and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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